Everyone knows the feeling of having found their soulmate, only to feel disappointment once the initial ecstatic mix of emotions and hopes vanishes.
No one knows exactly what real love is, and most of us are on a quest to find out. Because truth be told, our hearts always crave love, no matter how many heartbreaks we experience.
In this article, we discuss the mechanics of attracting a soulmate, how to get past all the drama from the past without dragging it into your new love story, and how to survive the unexpected in a relationship.
What Keeps Us From Finding Love?
Below, we look at the five main obstacles that interfere with us finding love.
- Unrealistic Expectations
We tend to hatch unrealistic expectations about the concept of a soulmate. Even when we have a crystal-clear idea of what we look for in a soulmate, in the beginning, we’re the ones pulling the carpet from under our feet. We convince ourselves that the person we love will magically guess what we’re looking for and rise to meet our expectations. But making projections about someone else’s acts can work against us. Finding someone who meets all our criteria can be challenging, even if they learn about our desires.
- Fear of Rejection
|
The fear of rejection can prevent us from putting ourselves out there and interacting with new people. Even if there’s someone we’re interested in, we fear approaching them. Rejection is against our primary human needs. We are hardwired to seek connection. That’s why many times, in an attempt to protect ourselves, we leave valuable connections on the table because of fear. It helps if you understand and normalize rejection, as it’s an inherent part of our lives. Also, ensuring that you don’t link rejection to self-worth is crucial. People may reject you for numerous reasons, but none define your value. |
 |
- Incompatibility
Initially, the drive to make a connection work is enormous, and we tend to focus on what works rather than the aspects that don’t work. Not because we’re in denial but because every beginning is filled with promise. We want to convince ourselves that things will work out this time, regardless of what the past had in store for us. This is how we overlook critical aspects of our new partner’s personality, not because they are wrong but because they don’t match our path. Most people would rather stay with an incompatible partner than admit they’re not compatible and stay single for a while. Differences in values, goals, and lifestyles can create significant obstacles to a successful relationship. In time, the differences between you two will become more apparent, and you’ll still have to decide.
- Past Trauma
Past traumas, such as heartbreak or betrayal, can be massive blocks in opening our hearts and healthily wearing them on our sleeves. We’re often unaware of our emotional wounds and unconsciously bring them into our new relationship. Past trauma belongs in the past; if we carry it with us, we risk alienating our partner because of our unresolved issues. It’s important to remember that not all people are built identically, and we all have different values. If you’ve been through trauma, use it as fuel to prime yourself for love instead of thinking about what could go wrong if you open yourself up to love. It’s unfair for you and your partner because you’re robbing yourselves of the possibility of writing a happy love story together.
- Lack of Confidence
If you lack the confidence to be yourself, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Feeling insecure about your appearance or personality can keep you from finding your soulmate. This attitude will probably attract an equally insecure partner. The interesting aspect of lack of confidence is that it’s easy to mask. You can’t tell from the very beginning if someone’s developed poor confidence and feelings of inadequacy. Typically, these characteristics surge later in the relationship and are triggered by being in public and feeling insecure when others get your partners’ attention. If a relationship is built on a feeble foundation, it most likely won’t last. That’s why it’s best to overcome your lack of confidence before entering a new relationship. You start on a clean slate.
The Secret Mindset Shift
Everyone dreams of attracting that special one that will sweep them off their feet and improve their lives. Magically, all their problems will disappear once this perfectly equipped person shows up and takes charge of everything.
But that’s exactly what keeps you from finding the one. It only makes us live in our heads, creating implausible love stories that will never come to fruition. Not because happiness is not available to us - it certainly is. But when there are no expectations or projections attached. Assuming that someone will gloriously arrive to clean up your emotional mess is a wrong assumption, and putting all this responsibility on someone else’s shoulders is a detrimental approach.
Instead, you’re better off taking responsibility for your emotional landscape. What plants should you water? What bushes should you trim? And most importantly, which shriveled flowers should you remove?
|
When you eliminate all drama that blocks your growth, you will unrestrictedly go with the flow, open your heart and prime your mind to attract beautiful possibilities. |
 |
You must start being happy in the present, even if you’re single, while working on yourself. The more internal work you do, the better chances you have to attract a like-minded person who is emotionally mature instead of magnetizing someone in the same emotional trap and looking for external help rather than finding the solutions internally. As you grow, you become more confident, self-assured, and independent. These surefire qualities can help you attract a partner who shares the same traits.
So, prioritize working on yourself first. When you work on yourself, you gain self-awareness. You take agency of your desires and values. And then, it becomes easy to crystallize what you seek in a partner because you’re no longer swimming against the current. You attract someone on the same quest, and in case they’re not suitable for you, you have developed a lens for recognizing red flags and deal breakers that may not align with your values.
How to Attract Your Soulmate
Attracting a soulmate is not just about finding the right person but also about becoming the right person. Becoming the best version of yourself is not just a cheesy axiom. If you operate from a highly conscious state, you're more likely to attract someone that matches your most profound dreams.
However, with so many potential partners out there, it can be challenging to identify the one. With the right mindset, you can increase your chances of finding a meaningful relationship with someone who truly feels like the one. Below, we pinpoint the steps you must take to attract the person of your dreams.
Know Your Non-Negotiables
The first step to finding the right partner is to know yourself. But, it's not enough to know yourself partially. You must be willing to experience the soul's dark night to understand what defines you. If, in the past, you had to put up with behaviors that didn't echo what you're looking for in a partner, the good news is that you no longer have to compromise and tolerate what doesn't feel right. So, make sure you write down your non-negotiables. This will work as a turn-off for those who aren't on the same wavelength, giving you the power to choose. It will also be easier to recognize when you meet someone truly compatible with you.
Keep an Open Mind
While it's important to have a clear idea of what you want in a partner, it's as essential to be open-minded. The right person may already be near you. Still, you're not even considering them because you limit yourself to a specific type. Sometimes, the best matches are those that come unexpectedly. And that's because they teach us life lessons we wouldn't be exposed to otherwise.
Contrasts are essential in a relationship; they help us strengthen our weak points and show us new avenues to explore. Keeping an open mind will help attract new possibilities and force us to leave our comfort zone and the typical partners we tend to attract. Just because you went for a specific romantic partner in the past doesn't mean they were the right one for you. Be willing to explore new opportunities.
Trust Your Gut
Your gut, also known as your intuition, is a powerful engine that lives inside you. It can fuel you to make the best decisions for yourself and your relationship. When you meet someone new, pay attention to your inner voice. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Explore your feelings because your gut can spot red flags and steer you in the right direction. Your intuition can pick up on nuances that indicate someone is not the right match for you. By trusting your gut, you can avoid wasting time and focus your energy on finding the right person. Likewise, if you feel an intense bond with someone, don't neglect it. Learn to explore your feelings and allow them to swirl freely.
Express your Emotions
Communication is vital to any successful relationship. But many of us are used to stifling our feelings. When you meet someone who has the potential to be the one, be honest about your feelings and expectations. Many people hide certain things from their past, only to have them blow up in their faces at more advanced stages of the relationship. That's because they never dealt with their emotions correctly. Your relationship must be built on an honest and strong foundation and ensure that you are both on the same page. Because when issues arise, and they will because that's the nature of life, you're not haunted by past issues that may ruin your current connection. Be transparent, and if someone doesn't like it, at least you've been honest about yourself. This is much better than wasting someone's time and misleading them.
Stay True to Yourself
Many people lose themselves when they embark on a new romantic journey. When you compromise your values to please your partner, it can lead to resentment and low self-esteem. You lose your power whenever you put someone else’s needs above you. The most important person in your life is yourself, and the relationship you cultivate with yourself will set the tone for your romantic one. Prioritizing your needs and values will bolster your sense of self-worth. It will make you feel more confident, which will help your relationship. You will attract people who appreciate and value your essence when practicing authenticity. Your relationship with yourself determines mutual respect, understanding, and love.
Achieve 360° Soul-Centered Love
Finding the one has little to do with luck and more to do with your vibration, mindset, values, and romantic goals. By deeply knowing yourself, being open-minded, trusting your gut, communicating, and staying true to yourself, you can maximize your chances of finding a meaningful relationship and making it last.
Finding love starts inside, so put yourself first and treat yourself like your ideal partner. You’ll soon be rewarded with a new chance at love, which will magnetize the person looking for you.
I designed the Relationship Bundle to help people struggling to find their perfect match. Many people close their hearts to love instead of making a few shifts to help them magnetize the person of their dreams. This bundle contains the secret sauce to loving yourself first, getting through past heartbreaks, ditching jealousy, skyrocketing your libido, and finally, attracting the one.
I’ve made it my life’s mission to make peace of mind and the ability to reach your potential available to everyone
- and that includes you!
Here’s to true freedom, happiness and health! - Jamie Clarke